Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
