I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
