Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
