rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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