My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
