Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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