I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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