someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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