My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
