my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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