Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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