My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
