I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
