i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
