There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
