I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
