I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Are my feet made of real feet?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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