And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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