Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Text me some of your sweat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
