somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
