She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
