She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
