I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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