everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
