why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
