So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
