I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
