i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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