Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
