I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
