well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
