a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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