So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
