remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
third nipple confirmed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
