i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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