wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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