He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
