I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
