Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
