It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize