At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
