Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
