its not stalking. its research.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
