Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
