Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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