Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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