How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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