It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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