they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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