Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
