Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
