So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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