I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
