New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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