I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
