Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
