Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
