I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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