the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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