this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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