just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
