did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
