I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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