Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
