I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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