Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups