Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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