OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
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I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.