so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
