I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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