You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
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I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"