im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.