Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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