Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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